Once Comrade Lenin turned to Comrade Stalin:
“Listen Koba, our American friends seem to get into revolutionary situation. The tops cannot govern, whilst the bottoms wouldn’t put up with it anymore.”
“Pretty easy - rob and split” - responded Comrade Stalin.
“This is rude, Koba. Remember, I have called it Expropriation of Expropriators. Same stuff, only sounds better. The arch-important thing is to come up with right slogan, so the people would follow. We are in the twenty first century, you know.”
“They should call it Economic Stimulus Package, Vladimir Ilyich. Sounds scientific and soothing.”
“Brilliant, Koba”, - Comrade Lenin wound up the telephone and picked up the handset: “Mademoiselle, White House please!”
Once on a Halloween night Comrade Stalin came to idea to trick-or-treat Comrade Lenin. Sporting full dress demo Generalissimo uniform with well polished stars on epaulets he knocked on Comrade Lenin’s door.
The door squeaked open, and out stepped Comrade Lenin with no beard and in full dress KGB colonel uniform.
“Boo-o!” - he shouted loud into Comrade Stalin’s face.
Comrade Stalin dropped smoking pipe, his arm began to raise in salute.
One day The Worker came back home with the can of golden spray.
“Where did you get this spray?” - asked him The Kolkhoznitsa.
“Fell off the truck”, - shot back The Worker. “Comrade Lenin said in the Communism times everyone will have a golden toilet. So I’m gonna spray ours to make it look like gold.”
“But it’s not gonna be gold, just painted gold”, - The Kolkhoznitsa said.
“So the Communism has not arrived yet”, - replied The Worker.
Once Comrade Lenin was taking time off in the Gorki cottage. He contemplated the fortunes of Georgia and Russia in the back seat of the Rolls-Royce: “Should the Russian Emperor had not annexed Georgia, Koba would have never become Comrade Stalin. On the other hand there is at least something to avenge Kosovo.”
Once Comrade Lenin travelled to Razliv cottage in the sealed railroad car. He was working on a new slogan for the victory of the world proletariat. Comrade Lenin made a quick step forward, threw his arm to the right and yelled trying to outloud the wheels knocking against the rails:
“Proletarians of the world! Communism is Soviet power plus…” - the car jumped on a switch. “Plus railroadification! No, something’s wrong here… Is Soviet power plus steamification of the whole country! Yes, exactly, the whole country! I’ve got an archcool slogan here! Should write it down for the future.”
The engine whistled signaling arrival coming shortly.
Once Comrade Lenin, Nadezhda Konstantinovna and Leonardo DiCaprio were splitting a bottle of vodka in three ways. Leonardo DiCaprio raised his glass, showed big smile and proposed: “Na Zdorovie!”
“Lionechka, you are watching too many American movies” - corrected him Nadezhda Konstantinovna. “Only in American films bad Russians say Na Zdorovie while drinking vodka. It would be more correct to say “To your health”, or “Let us be healthy”.”
“We’ll drink to that next time” - Comrade Lenin said abruptly and rose. “The cinema is for us the most important instrument of all the arts. To you, Lionia” - and chugged his glass of vodka.
One late night The Worker and The Kolkhoznitsa were trying to flag down the taxi outside the restaurant. All of a sudden the Rolls-Royce pulled up. Comrade Lenin look out the window.
“Oh, pissed again, I see,” he said, wound the window up and drove away.
“Hey, was it Lenin or Harrison?” The Worker wondered.
Once Comrade Lenin and Comrade Trotsky met to decide how they should congratulate The Politburo Members on The International Day of Workers Solidarity May 1.
“Let’s give a golden hummer to each Politburo Member,” suggested Comrade Trotsky.
“Archbrilliant idea, daddy. And let’s give a golden sickle to Nadezhda Konstantinovna”, agreed Comrade Lenin.
“And a golden ice-axe to Comrade Stalin, let him climb the mountains,” Comrade Trotsky laughed.
“Little he knows about the History of the C. P. S. U.” thought Comrade Lenin, and he squeezed the hat.
Once in the midst of 1991 Comrade Lenin met Mister Gaidar on the Red Square:
“Where are you going with your collection of one-ruble coins, daddy?”
“To the scrapyard Comrade Lenin! Everybody is taking their coins to the scrapyard. There’s inflation…”
“We should have ordered twonies like Canadians did,” thought Comrade Lenin. “And it would be much easier to pay at the parking meter as well.”
Once The Worker, The Kolkhoznitsa and The Red Army Soldier set a meeting to decide who is going to Cuba.
“I should go,” said The Worker. “I will bring our proletarian greetings to Comrade Castro.”
“Listen boys, can I have the travel voucher?” asked The Kolkhoznitsa. “I’ve heard that one could jump off the plane while it’s grounded in Canada for refueling. I have had dreams about Canada for so long…”
“Pussies,” thought The Red Army soldier as he petted The Horse. “First, I will go to Cuba to say Hi to Comrade Castro. Then on the way back I will get off the plane to stay in Canada.”
